


Things Are Better If I Stay

by Bandom_Unicorn



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-02
Updated: 2015-12-02
Packaged: 2018-05-04 11:35:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5332700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bandom_Unicorn/pseuds/Bandom_Unicorn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What the title says...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Things Are Better If I Stay

Gerard's POV  
I hate looking at my face in the mirror, even if I have to for my eyeliner, it’s still horrible. It’s ugly, disgusting, something that no one would ever love. Sure, the band has a lot of fans, but don’t know, don’t understand. It takes a toll worrying about them over ourselves. I’ve always had issues with how I see myself, but I know I’m right. They’re all wrong telling me that I’m amazing, attractive even. The pressure it puts on me makes me so tired. My depression’s getting worse but I can’t help it. I know that they’re worried about me, Mikey, Frank, and Ray. I also know Matt isn’t. He’s always just as drunk as I am, the difference being, he’s an asshole. He thinks he’s a better drummer than what he is, blaming everything on everyone but himself. He’s right though. I’m pathetic, I’m not a good singer. Sometimes, my emotions would get so bad that I couldn’t leave my bed, let alone my room. But now, I’m usually just numb to everything. I usually stick with Bert and Mikey, the two people I know with the most access to drugs and alcohol. Mikey doesn’t like the idea of me on drugs but I know he won’t stop me because he’s just as bad with them as me. Our fans know about the drugs and alcohol but they find it amusing. I’m either so drunk that my pants will fall down on stage and I will lose my clothes, or so high that weird shit happens in interviews with Bert. Something that they don’t know is that I only got addicted to numb my pain. It worked for a while, certain things helped, others didn’t. The alcohol makes it worse overall, but it works for just long enough. Certain drugs numb me, others make me want to die. One drug I would never do is heroine, just because I do drugs doesn’t mean I suddenly lose my phobia of needles.  
I took a few drugs a couple of hours ago but now they’re wearing off. It always hurts more when they wear off because it feels like I’m regaining all of the feelings I took the drugs to numb. I’m shaking now because of it. I can’t handle when they wear off, I can’t sleep without them, I can’t even eat. I can’t do either of those on the drugs either. When I say the drugs numb all of my emotions, it includes tiredness and hunger. Usually, Mikey would be with me now, it’s after midnight, but he knows a lot of people so he’s out with them. I’m in between the buses, with three different lots of drugs: sleeping pills, painkillers in a box, and Mikey’s Xanax. Right now, the pain’s worse than ever and I just want to sleep. I know I won’t be able to unless I take enough of these. First I take 10 of the sleeping pills, they don’t work quickly enough so I take the same amount of painkillers with a few of the Xanax. I can see everything blurring, quickly mixing together to form new colours. My visions getting darker around the edged so I lay down where I am, awaiting my sleep. My vision keeps getting darker. My body is gradually losing movement. This keeps continuing until the darkness surrounds me.


End file.
